…
He looked at her through the phone once again.
She looked so beautiful.
Her face full of bliss
as she applied her lipstick,
jamming to some hits.
He chuckled to himself;
her head is adorable.
It holds a great brain,
yet it is kind of slow …
He could only recall
the day he first saw her
at a coffee shop through a window so clear.
She was with a few friends,
her smile big and bright.
That day and that day only
she became the center of his world.
The only goal and priority
was to make her his own.
He just imagined a future with her near.
Her head by his face,
her body by his.
And as time went on,
the intention was clear.
He couldn’t wait for the day to come.
When he would feel her and touch her.
And it would be the opposite of wrong.
The way her head would roll off so peacefully,
she will be quiet and safe.
He would caress her and treasure her,
as she lay
right there in his freezer.
…
Okay, this deserves an explanation. I swear I’m not insane. I don’t really know how this came to me but I honestly am not a huge fan of it. I am definitely not a poet and I don’t know how to make words all flowy and beautiful as many are able to, but I’m proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and creating this.
The next poem is something I have spontaneously came up with. I was told to speak from experience and not to sugar coat much so I decided to try it out. This next poem is a short piece that depicts how I am feeling about … someone … recently … gross … feelings …
…
Beauty.
Peace.
Resolution.
All of the words that define him.
He looks at me
For the third time this evening.
He is so confusing
But I love a challenge.
I know it is wrong to want him
But I do.
The mystery.
A man of mystery.
He plays the games
But I always win them,
This isn’t an exception.
The competition will never leave me.
I know his intentions.
Look.
Talk.
Ignore.
I’ve dealt with his type before
And I came out the winner in the end.
He can’t win.
But I know he will.
Because as much as I didn’t want this;
He flew and I fell.
…
featured image: https://gph.is/2zFTuEy
Dear Christina,
I really enjoyed reading both of these poems! I like that even though both poems are quite different, you used a similar type of voice and tone. I was really not expecting the ending to the first one, but it was actually really refreshing since so many poems are about typical love. I also like that at the part where it says, “That day and that day only / she became the center of his world. / The only goal and priority / was to make her his own” because it throws you off and makes it seem like the guy is a little obsessive. In the second poem, I really like the repetition of one word sentences and it really added to the piece.
As for improvement, there were just a couple grammar mistakes where you missed a couple commas, but other than that, your work is amazing!
Overall, your writing is really, really good and I hope to read more of your pieces in the future!
Sincerely,
Caitlyn
Caitlyn!
Thank you so much for your comment. It really meant a lot that you enjoyed it and thought that my poem was refreshing.
I will work on my grammar and double-check next time.
Thank you!
-Tina