control

Control. A sense of certainty, a comfort zone, a place where she feels that she belongs.

 

Lack of control. A cause and effect provoked by a nuisance that she didn’t even want present in her life in the first place. An unsecure place where everyone pushes her in; for the learning experience she assumes.

 

There’s a lack of control within her emotions, her feelings spiral even without the sight of the nuisance. Despicable. 

 

A lack of control within her dreams, where the nuisance appears unwelcomed, but makes it feel warm and light. Disgusting.

 

Not being able to control the tornado within the pit of her stomach when the nuisance dares speak to her. Losing control over the words that escape her mouth, causing them to turn distasteful.

 

Control is what she knows and what she always had, yet why is there more written about the lack of it.

 

Well, maybe he gives her some light in the darkness that she has grown to feel comfortable in. Maybe he gives her a sense of purpose. Maybe she needs some disorder within her structured life and he is simply able to provide that for her.

 

But. She feels the need to regain that control. She needs to put him back into his place as the burden that he is. He needs to escape from her mind and set her free, free from the grasp he has around her soul. 

But he’s just so simple. He doesn’t even know about the chains he’s tied around her, locking her in, and she’s planning on keeping him clueless. That’s the only way she has power over him; keeping him away from the knowledge on how much he can truly hurt her.

 

In reality, it’s her who’s the nuisance within my life, for without her, life would be like a breeze instead of a tornado. Manageable. Light. Free. She needs to let him go, for my sanity, for our sanity. She needs to allow me to be in control once again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

featured image: https://weheartit.com/entry/250868147
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4 thoughts on “control

  1. TINA!!!!! OMG!!!!! I can’t express how proud I am of you!!!!! You wrote this amazing piece from your soul and it shows. You can feel the raw emotion and it just heightened your writing (which trust me I didn’t know was possible). Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece with us!

    Truly,
    Simran C.

  2. “Control is what she knows and what she always had, yet why is there more written about the lack of it.” A paradox so true and vivid.
    Tina, your words have the ability to take the reader in a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas and leave them breathless at the end. Your ideas are so beautifully woven into prose and I am left in awe of your abilities. Thank you for being so wonderful.
    Nazeefa

    1. Nazeefa you make me blush. thank you so much for your kind comment and your support. much love to you <3

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