not love, illusion

love

/ləv/

noun

  1. an intense feeling of deep affection.

 

Love is an illusion.

 

il·lu·sion

/iˈlo͞oZHən/

noun

  1. a thing that is or is likely to be wrongly perceived or interpreted by the senses.

 


It’s funny how people perceive this information. Many people, surprisingly, take it with a kind mind. Unfortunately, each person is manipulated so well that it is insulting to say that love isn’t real. Gasp, shock, horror. She didn’t just say that.

But she did.

Love is a sense of hope. A defined word. Going back to the definition, love is an intense feeling of deep affection. So now, I think it is safe to say that it is not momentary lust and the desire to start mating with someone which people often mistake it for. No, don’t blush. It is also not love when you saw that boy for the first time from across the cafe, his hair all fluffy and you just thought to yourself; oh the things I woul- … I said stop blushing!

Let’s look back to the – possible – first time you heard the word love. If you are thinking your mom and/or dad, then we’re on the same page. Generally, a mom after birthing a child will immediately say I love you to them. Now don’t manipulate anything, I’m not saying that your mom doesn’t “love” you, I’m just trying to go somewhere with this.

This is unnecessarily complicated.

We were taught love from a very young age.
We were taught the why’s, what’s, and how’s of the term, love.

We did not feel it in order to understand it, we heard it in order to recognize it.

I was told that when someone says ‘I love you’ to me, I must say it back, for it is not polite to not return the noun. I interpreted the word very vaguely, and I did not hold the term to its rightful definition. This word became a norm for me, a simple word that is a part of my day-to-day language.
It became such a routine that I most definitely, without even thinking twice, would say it blindly. Whether it was to people that I am more of an acquaintance with or someone I’ve known for a long time. I unfortunately still do this to satisfy someone’s grasp for this validation. I realize that this word holds a lot of weight for many people, and just hearing that someone loves them creates a sense of relief and gratitude for them. I decided that I did not want to have this word validate me and I did not want to constantly lie to myself whenever I was forced into speaking it. I was told that I was loved but then I was hurt by that same person and I simply decided that if this is love, then I don’t want it.

I will say this now, and this is important to remember. I am not a heartless bitch. I have feelings, I am more sensitive than I would like to be, per se, but if I say I love you without believing in the word, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care for you. I care for everyone. Obviously, some more than others and I will always try my hardest to either say it or show it to them. It is very important for me to be validated with affection as well, I just learned that love directed towards me isn’t always sincere, or very backhanded.

Each time this word is said blindly, it is losing more and more of its meaning. People lose the true significance of this heavy word every time they say that they love that shirt. Or that chair. Or that person. The definition of this word doesn’t correlate with how you use it when you throw it around carelessly.

People will argue that there is a whole spectrum of love. I agree. You ‘love’ your mom differently than you ‘love’ your best friend. The problem lies within the fact that you will say I love you to a person when the level that you feel, truly, is the same as you saying that you love that pair of shoes. People are not true with themselves when it comes to most versions of I love you. The knowledge of said spectrum gets lost every single time you use the word nonchalantly.

Love was real and pure. It really was. But it was before the actual word was invented. Before when it was a feeling instead of a socially accepted term.

 

 

 

 

AN:

The reason I do not bring this up with anyone is because I am afraid that people will change the way they talk to me, please do not.

Go eat some chocolate, it’s been rough.

 

 

featured image: https://tenor.com/view/love-smoke-gif-7329397
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2 thoughts on “not love, illusion

  1. Dear Tina,
    Wowza! This was such a beautiful post and I think it showed a lot about the person you are! It was very thought provoking and enjoyable to read! 2 lines that I enjoyed the most were: “We did not feel it in order to understand it, we heard it in order to recognize it.” and “Love was real and pure. It really was. But it was before the actual word was invented. Before when it was a feeling instead of a socially accepted term.” It really brought your points home and enhanced the piece as a whole!

    There are some minor suggestions that I would make. In the line
    “start mating with someone which people often mistake it for. No, don’t blush. It is also not love when you saw that boy for the first time from across the cafe, his hair all fluffy and you just thought to yourself; oh the things I woul- … I said stop blushing!” Maybe you could use dashes to emphasize the points more (ie. start mating with someone which people often mistake it for -no, don’t blush.)

    Overall it was an amazing piece and I can’t wait to read more from you!

    Truly,
    Simran C.

    1. Simran,
      Thank you for reading my piece, I’m glad that you enjoyed it. I will look into implementing your suggestions into my writing.
      Thank you.
      -Tina

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